Police Shootings Will Make, Break, or Crack America Up With Laughter!

Good evening!

We know how hard it is to talk about these issues so before you run away, hear this! We have specially prepared jokes for you at the end of every paragraph. Enjoy!

My name is Keith Olbermann. Conservatives will tell you there is no bigger Liberal asshole than Keith Olbermann. Well… to steal from Sarah Palin “if it’s written on the internet, it’s probably true”. Tea Party’ers have never heard me utter a full sentence…Well, its not their fault, it seems most of them are incapable to think on their feet, so they better regurgitate their weekly, or rather daily talking points. Liberals, even, can’t stand my truths because to them I am too passionate, and I show a quasi-religious temper in my argument. And my stare is pretty scary…

What I will say tonight will shock you at first but wrap your head around it and think it through at lengths if you need to because it is the only truth.

The recent suspicious shootings of young black males has divided America into three groups. There are those who defend these young African American men even without the facts. Then there are those who defend the white police officers. And lastly, there is the vast majority who wouldn’t side publically with anyone of these two entrenched sides, some of us maybe just a little bit thinking this is another case of black people pulling the race card, again. I chose to see myself in the latter, but that was until I realized I needed to speak up just as loud as the other two groups if I don’t want to idly sit by and see anyone of these two groups tacitly roll us into their agenda.

Let’s catch a joke break.

Donald Trump

Donald Trump is a very lucky man, very lucky indeed. Because you see Donald is a white dude but that is pretty much all Donald must be thankful for. For those who don’t know, Donald skins a squirrel in his backyard every two weeks, and wears it on his head.

Just imagine what animal Donald would have to skin if Donald Trump were black…


Yep!…just ask Don King.


So the Donald is very lucky…

So how would the crazies and the extremes roll us over to their side?

The group defending the young black men is not necessarily right or justified, neither is the group defending the white police officers. But one of these groups is doing something totally un-American, or worse totally inconceivable, and inhumane. The group defending the police officers in saying things like:

Context: The family of the shot black teen said the teen had nothing but a sandwich in his hands.

Totally out there and with no shame, these people, who actually look lovely and nice in that jungle-background picture, are actually celebrating the deaths of these young black men.

When is the last time so many black people openly cheered and threw flowers at black police officers for shooting and killing white felons?

When have we ever seen a multitude of black people take to the Internet to post celebratory comments and sarcastic mocking of dead white felons shot in altercations with black police officers?

Let’s take another joke break:

We’re all for interracial couples but I think we need to have a committee, yes a socialist committee that has to have the last word on whether or not any two people of different races can marry. The reason being there aren’t many such unions, so for the sake of posterity, God damn it, we need good and viable interracial individuals. I’m saying this because Robin Thicke and Paula Patton should have never been allowed to marry. You see they don’t, or didn’t, or whatever stupid stage they’re on right now they never really were interracial. They are the inter crazies.

How ever heard of a singer going on a tour to get your woman’s forgiveness! Damn it, go straighten out your business in private!
Crazy-ass whites and crazy-ass blacks should never marry period. We don’t want intergalactic crazies. If your brother or sister got dropped on their head when they were a baby, keep your crazies inside your race! No breeding between the crazies!

Returning to the extremes in the Ferguson case. I, Keith Olbermann, chose to see myself in the third group (the neutrals). I chose to keep my distance and see these other two groups fight it to the end. But I just realized that one of these groups is mistaking my silence for tacit support, simply on the basis that we share the same skin color. And even though the other group (perhaps blindly supporting these young black men) isn’t totally justified, we, the majority, need to let these jubilant crowds celebrating black death know how wrong, stupid and toxic waste they are for America.

They are toxic to America because thanks to them, those of us who stay silent allow them to be our de facto talking heads.

And what is their message: shooting young minorities in the street (regardless of whether or not they’re felons) and mocking their death afterwards is acceptable.

If more and more of us, who aren’t racists, tell each one of them around us how despicable, and what toxic waste they are (to applaud street-killing, i.e. extra-judicial killing), they will finally understand what a joke they are, a very unfunny one indeed!

We can all turn this unfunny joke into a world-class, tickle-me-pink, absolutely hilarious joke. When you hear them spew their toxic waste, say something or get away from them. If they are capable of having a brain cell or two, they’ll understand that they have become the butt of their own joke.