Tina Fey: Note To Self, Next Halloween, Just Be A Dick!


I spent too much time trying to figure out what Halloween costume I wanted this year…then, suddenly (on Halloween day) it hit me! How about I start a trend…who cares about a costume when you can get into character and let others guess who you are?

So the whole day yesterday, I decided to be Shaq… the dickiest Shaq has ever been.


So no costume, no make up to look like Shaq, just thinking and talking trash like Shaq. I was walking home from the gym past a place called the World’s Largest Aquarium—which, legally, I don’t know how they could call it that, because it was obviously an average-sized aquarium. Then I thought to myself, maybe I should start referring to myself as the World’s Tallest black dude and see how that goes?
Anyway, I was walking home alone from the gym and I was wearing a dress. A dude drove by and yelled, “Nice tits.” Embarrassed, enraged but still in character, I screamed after him, “SUCK MY DICK!”