Stuff Not To Tell White People#2: “White People”?

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The term “white people” is so widely (and loosely) used nowadays that in the very near future it will be featured here in a 100-item list-form articles to unpack all its less known meanings. But first things first, let’s find out who in recent history came up with the term “white people”. And, no…don’t look far. Americans (Yes, always the Americans), but this time (just like any other time) thanks to America, the term “white people” made it big time. If the term “white people” was the weirdo loner kid (call him Angus) that no one in high school talked to or cared about, America (being the most beautiful girl in school, the prettiest prom queen ever) suddenly showed up in school one morning in Angus’s all-rusty yellow Yaris. And ever since at school, the pair was seen kissing and touching any chance they get.

“White people” is a default term that means “people that are not, were not slaves” or “were never” slaves, which is not entirely true since it was common in Europe to take into slavery nations or people defeated in a war. But with the last big, massive slavery (involving Africans), the term “white people” stole the show, taking on its current meaning “not a slave, never was a slave”.

This explains why there are so many stories of African Americans expressing what they perceive as some kind of racism from people who are rather not physically “white”: Asians, dark-skinned Indians (depicted in the film “Mississippi Masala”, in which Denzel Washington’s character falls in love with an Indian girl), or even dark-skinned Africans (who, although they are evidently not white, but are not exactly put in the same basket as African Americans. Africans living in the US are therefore immune to many of the wrong stereotypes that “American white people” ascribe to African Americans like lazy, etc.). So even though all these other groups are not “white”, they too are considered “white people” in the eyes of many Americans in that they are not slave, were not slave, do not belong to the same categories (understand stereotypes) affecting many African Americans.

Europeans almost never use the term “white people”. Some will say, “…Neither do Americans”. And they’ll be right! The difference is that Europeans hate to be called “white people”. They have better ways to identify themselves: They’re English, French, Germans, etc. America is the new world, so –since we’re no longer English, Irish, Dutch, etc and this was the land with the biggest population of African slaves in the world, the only land on earth where slavery defined everything from the very start (the American civil war) – how else can we define what we are if not in contrast to them, the former slaves?

We’re the complete opposite of those who were slaves. Because they are dark-skinned and they were slaves, how about first coming up with a term for them that means VERY-VERY-VERY DARK-SKINNED, let’s call them BLACK. And how about a term that means BLACK and SLAVE, awesome! Let’s call them “NIGGERS”. So how about us, what is the opposite of “black” again? Well, there you go! That’s what we will think of ourselves. But we won’t call ourselves that, no never! Thinking about it is good enough!
So is it Ok to call someone, White people? Let’s ask Sir William Robertson and Gathegi.

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Sir William Robertson: “Ask any Englishman or woman, we’d rather absolutely love to be called musical donkeys really than that American, nonsensical “white people” term. You, Americans, enjoy bashing us about our weather; yes, we know it rains cats and dogs under the English sky every day, but I’d wager good money that it’d rain absolute lunacy the day we start calling ourselves white people.”

Sir William Robertson then went on (as seen below) to perfect his musical donkey skills by performing the Chassé and the Circular Hey under the lead of Titus, the hardheaded family donkey.

Africans share their thoughts on the subject

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Gathegi from Kenya:

So let’s play a game. I am going to make a few statements. Each statement is a multiple choice question. The answers are
A. Agree
W. Lock, stock and barrel (can’t be any whiter)
S. You’re an asshole!
N. Never Say! (it’s true but never say it)

So statement 1: The future King of England, Prince Williams, is a white prince.
(N)(Never say)
Statement 2: Mitt Romney is a white guy.
(W) Lock, stock and barrel (can’t be any whiter)
Statement 3: White people can’t dance
(S)(You’re an asshole)

Here are a few more statements to practice at home
1.Colin Powell is a white guy. (N)
2.Igy Azalea is not a white girl, she is Australian. (A)
3. France is a nation of cocky, holier-than-thou, baguette-eating proud people. (A)
4. USA is the greatest nation on earth, and it is the only other country, beside South Africa, where you can find white people. (A)
5.Unless you’re a white guy, even of a rather African-dark (like Justice Clarence Thomas) or brown skin, you cannot belong to the Tea party. (N)
6. France is a nation of white people. (N)
7. USA is the greatest nation on earth, and it is the only other country, where water turns into wine and black people turn into white people. (N)
8. Now, you see why you can’t blame most African American celebrities and very rich African Americans, who truth be told sometimes see themselves as honorary white people. (N)
9. Igy Azalea is not a white girl, she is not even human. She is a Kangaroo, just look at that kangaroo derriere! (S)
10.France is a nation of cocky, holier-than-thou, baguette-eating motherfuckers. (S)
11. Now, you see why you can’t blame most African American celebrities and very rich African Americans who go to Africa after realizing how African they are, just no longer (or no so much) “African Americans”. (N)
12. Michael Jackson, Denzel Washington, Will Smith, Oprah are all white folks. Flavor Fav, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton will never be white people ever. (N)
13.USA is the greatest nation on earth, and here you can find all kinds of greatest: greatest scientists, greatest presidents and the inevitable– greatest nut-jobs. (N)
14.USA is the greatest nation on earth because it has the courage to call it like it is even if every once in a long while we speak from the other side of the mouth (aka the other opening). (N)
15. .Igy Azalea is a white girl, although her derriere (real or fake) vociferously begs to differ. (N)
16. Very-very poor white people (aka white thrash) are not white people. (N)

Why so many N’s? One reason: “White people” ‘s Facebook status is COMPLICATED!

This is how you diffuse a conflict, son!